Six years ago, a barber who substituted in place of my regular barber cut my hair. When I vaguely told him that I wanted my hair cut short – really short on the sides, but not too short on the top – he told me that I need to be clear on what kind of haircut I wanted.
“How can I help you if you can’t tell me what you really want?”, Mr. Moe asked.
Mr. Moe’s words struck me because for most of my life, I was not clear on what I wanted. The kind of job I wanted. The woman I want to be in a relationship with. The friendships and quality of relationships I want to have. I simply had a vague idea on what I wanted and set my life on autopilot, hoping that those wants will magically come. The problem is that when we set our lives on autopilot, not stepping into our King (or Queen), someone else steps into that place – which is likely not what we want.
As Mr. Moe cut my hair, he shared great advice on what hair styles look good for the shape of my face and told me the actual haircut style I liked for future haircuts. After a fresh haircut from Mr. Moe, I gained valuable advice that would serve me well the past few years.
When I started this journey of intense personal development, my first task was to be clear on what I wanted in life. After all, how can we achieve what we want if we aren’t clear on what we are working towards?
All our lives, we were told by our parents, teachers, and our culture that we can be successful just by going to school, getting a degree, and finding a job that pays well, whether we like that job or not. We weren’t told what happens next?
Getting clear on what I really wanted at first was amusing. When I dreamed big, there was a part of me that didn’t believe that I was worthy of being THAT successful. I thought, “I would like to be in a relationship with a woman who’s light-skinned, has nice legs without cellulite, has a pretty face with nice eyebrows that don’t look like it’s been drawn with a pencil 🤣…am I really worthy of being in a relationship with a lady who has those qualities?!”
The key lesson learned in this journey of being clear on what I wanted and working towards it is self-confidence. Not confidence in being an arrogant jerk to others, but confidence that leads with love and subtly tells people “do not fuck with me.” The kind of confidence that has faith that no matter what happens, he knows God won’t abandon him and that his biggest growth is ahead of him.
Here are a few examples from my life where confidently asking has served my family and I well:
- A few years ago, my aunt celebrated her birthday at an Italian restaurant. After finishing our dessert, my relatives wanted more of the cake but were afraid to ask. I asked the waitress for more cake, and she gladly gave us more cake to enjoy (for free!).
- This past month, I asked for a discount on my car insurance after driving less than 4000 miles last year. I saved $40/month in my car insurance by staying with GEICO.
- Also in this past month, I asked the cashier at the grocery store about getting a discount that required downloading an app for the phone. The cashier gave me the discount without me having to download the app, saving $45 worth of ribeye steaks and 5 minutes of time setting up the app.
We want many things in life. Ask. So what if we are told no? What’s important is we were courageous for those 30 seconds in taking a leap of faith.
To take it a step further, ask God what you really want.
It was the first week of 2020. My mother and I attended Sunday mass. The priest shared in his homily, referring to Matthew 7:7-8, that all we need to do is ask God for what we really want in this world.
Later that mass during communion, I humbly asked God for a lady to come into my life as we kneeled in the pew praying. This time around, I meant it from the depths of my heart. In the past, I’d pray and hope that a lady will come around as my habits remained in autopilot. But after going on this journey of intense personal development, building solid friendships with lady friends as my career progressed, I knew I was ready.
Two months later as I continued to “Pray, Hope, and Don’t Worry”, she came into my life.
It’s amazing how asking can make big differences in our lives. Today’s world of convenience has atrophied our courage to ask, causing many of us to be deathly afraid of rejection or looking like an idiot.
When we pray to God, we get out of our own ways and gain insight from beings outside of this world. We find solutions we can apply towards our life’s problems. Our moral compasses are recalibrated, pointing us in the proper direction to move towards. When we clear the noise of this world through prayer, God speaks to us in the silence.
As rapper Lil’ Wayne once said, “Real G’s move in silence in lasagna.” Perhaps the ‘G’ he referred to in his song meant God. 😎🎵🎵🎵
Heavenly Father, we thank you for blessing us with gifts to share with this world. You challenge us each day with opportunities to share those gifts. Little by little everyday, those opportunities build confidence and you eventually give us what we Ask for. Help us remain steadfast and patient in this process of being the best versions of ourselves. In this we pray, Amen.
(The cover GIF is from an episode of Spongebob Squarepants on the Frankendoodle and “magic pencil”. Patrick asked for a mustache, which Spongebob drew for him, only for that mustache to fly away. Patrick replied to his mustache flying away, “Easy come, easy go.” 😏)