New Year, New Me. The Year 2020 was a confirmation to always question things with all the “shocking news”.
One of the qualities I appreciated my Mom and Mama teaching me growing up was their honesty explaining who, what, where, and why while providing context on the lessons they taught me. Their honesty was instrumental in encouraging me to always question things.
It wasn’t until Actually Turning Pro where I fully leveraged this skill even more to figure out why I was in pain all those years during my 20’s and where I want to be in the next five years.
A couple of months ago, I asked my co-workers why we complete a process spread across three days when we can simply complete it in one day. My co-worker’s reply was “It’s because that’s how we always have done it.” At a later meeting, another co-worker raised my idea and half-jokingly told everyone in the team that it was “Noy Sauce’s fault” for doing so.
That moment was a microcosm of what 2020 was, in which many people don’t question the game being played around them, while avoiding responsibility to question the status quo and to offer ways to improve out of fear from looking foolish.
Thinking critically is typically done by asking “Why?” five times. The Backstreet Boys were on to something when they asked “Tell Me Why?” in their hit song, “I Want It That Way” 😉
By asking “Why?” five times, you will find the root cause of many issues.
Here’s an example of asking “Why?” five times as to why I struggled in my dating life during my 20’s.
Why did I keep getting rejected from pretty-looking women? Because I mentally put them on pedestals and cared too much on what they thought of me.
Why? Because I was not challenged enough at work and did not have many hobbies outside of work to focus on more productive endeavors, away from what they thought about me.
Why? Because I was scared to take risks in finding a new job and trying new activities.
Why? Because I wasn’t confident in myself to move on from failures and accept that I will lose time and money in the process.
Why? Because I grew up not having a father as a teenager, who could have encouraged me to be more confident in myself and give me ideas to move on faster.
Here’s another example:
Why would I rather be in a relationship with a pretty-looking woman than an ugly-looking woman? Because I don’t want to wake up next to an ugly-looking person every morning.
Why? By knowing I didn’t settle with someone who isn’t good looking, I’ll have fewer regrets later in life.
Why? Having fewer regrets on whom I choose to be my partner keeps me fully engaged and present in our relationship.
Why? Being fully engaged and present in our relationship boosts the quality of our lives.
Why? So that we both can be happy. Awwww.
Everything in life makes sense. There’s an X-factor that ties the pieces together. When we think why things in life don’t make sense, we are missing that X-factor in our analysis.
The biggest challenge is that doing so requires honesty that we may not be ready or willing to acknowledge. Asking “Why?” five times as to find out why I struggled in my dating life during my 20’s hurt. It hurt seeing pretty women date guys whom I thought are mediocre at best. It hurt knowing that I didn’t have mentors who’d both be truly honest and encouraging in those tough times. Most of all, it hurt knowing that I did not have a father. (A root cause of many issues in today’s society is because of the lack of strong, grounded fathers. Of course, that’s a topic for another day 😊 )
Yet that brutal honesty provided many valuable lessons and insight for a better future. Seeing pretty women date mediocre guys encouraged me to raise my standards to have greater self-confidence and not tolerate selfish, entitled behavior. Not having mentors who’d both be truly honest and encouraging taught me to embody those qualities, while refusing to allow those absences in the past define me. Not having a father put me on a crash course of becoming a grounded man who leads his future wife and future children with love.
Being honest with ourselves awakens our souls, bringing a greater level of awareness that helps us live more fully. This honesty encouraged me to take more action at work and in my personal life. It was scary at first taking action in my dating life by attending work- and alumni-related events and meeting people, feeling awkward and not-so-confident when I wasn’t where I wanted to be in my career. But I later found that the more I took action at work and meeting people at events, women love seeing a man working his way to his own definition of success.
A few months before asking my co-workers about our current process, I suggested to my boss that each of us in the team say something during our staff meetings. At first, he reluctantly accepted that idea since many of our co-workers prefer be quiet. However my boss later thanked me for raising that idea since we all get to hear each other, especially since we don’t see each other as much these days with the lockdowns.
Sharing those experiences and lessons learned in the journey towards success with people, especially with women, is what “game” is all about in relationships, keeping it fresh from stagnation.
When women are part of a man’s journey towards his definition of success and witness him achieve it, a deeper level of attraction and respect develops.
So I encourage everyone to take that leap of faith in questioning things. It will hurt and be uncomfortable at first. You will get burned and have your fair share of failures in the process. But the more we question and take action towards those solutions we find, the more we live fully and make the most of the precious gift we have in our lives.
Isn’t that what makes life worth living?