“Always say thank you, okay Noy?” – My father

As a young child growing up in sunny southern California, I did not have the closest relationship with my father. My father was a person who did not express his feelings, but rather showed me his love indirectly. He expected excellence, often reminding me that a grade below a B was unacceptable. He yelled and got mad at me, when I underachieved and did not live up to my potential. He told me what was right and wrong, without explaining the why behind his reasoning. Little did I know that those years he emphasized expressing gratitude and doing my best would be the greatest gifts he taught me.

My father passed away a few months after I turned thirteen years old. My mother and I moved to Colorado, where I would attend high school there for four years. I kept matters to myself and failed to build many deep friendships with my classmates. I hid the pain that was in my heart, because I thought I can be stronger than opening up my heart to those around me. I often got frustrated at my mother for telling others our story as to why we moved to Colorado, because being reminded of the pain brought nothing but anger and sadness. Little did I know that I would be in for a rude awakening after high school, when my mother and I moved back to California, so that I can eventually attend college at the university I wanted to attend.

Reality sunk in upon moving back when my father’s death hit home after being away for four years. My mother struggled to find a job. Loneliness crept up as friends and family were starting college and busy with work, respectively. Reality did not meet the expectations I had upon moving back as I naively thought life would be easier, my mother would immediately find a job, and I would be closer with friends and family upon moving back. Anger and resentment towards my father and those around me filled my heart, seeing everyone doing so well as my mother and I struggled to start our lives over. I had a low self-esteem and failed to express gratitude for what I already had at that time.

Those nine years since high school taught me a myriad of life lessons that sunk in my head, forming lasting and positive habits. I found healing towards my father’s death, and accomplished my personal goals for the most part during that time. However, the past six months taught me the true essence of my father’s lessons of gratitude and pursuing excellence.

• Visiting friends and family back home in the West Coast for the holidays taught me that our lives are not so bad after all when we listen to each others’ problems. In addition, our lives are measured not by the amount of money we make or number of academic degrees attained, but by the lasting, positive impacts we make towards those around us.
• Taking a trip to Europe opened a new perspective to different cultures, reminding me that not everyone can freely travel to other places of the world without a visa, let alone be adventurous enough to explore foreign places. Simply knowing about a place is not enough, as immersing oneself to a new place brings a greater appreciation of that place’s culture and life as a whole.
• Expressing gratitude in the midst of shit hitting the fan, especially when you have no control of the situations, helps bring peace that someway, somehow, life will work out for the better.

The timing was fitting, as my high school ten year reunion neared. I have not visited Colorado for more than eight years, and I found the reunion to be a chance to take step back, and see how far I have come over the past ten years. Many of us classmates were surprised when more than a third of our class showed up to our happy hour, and a quarter of our class showed up to our campus tour and picnic. Considering that only four people from the class one year ahead of us showed up for their reunion, our reality exceeded our expectations. I had a great time catching up with my classmates at the bar, seeing how far we have come personally and career-wise. I had a great time touring the campus and athletic fields, seeing that the more things changed, the more things stayed the same. I learned more about our classmates over a beer, erasing what innocent perception I had of them. Last but not amusingly enough, I thought that many of my classmates turned out to become snow bunnies since high school!

During our picnic, we opened up our class time capsule from our senior year. When I read what I had written in the time capsule item, I cringed. Prom sucked balls? Wild and crazy? The only things I now agree with my seventeen year-old self are being successful and “Fly as the Sky” like Chamillionaire and Lil’ Wayne.

There was a feeling of peace that the lessons learned from the pain and suffering over the past ten years brought me here. Our class overachieved in terms of what we have accomplished since high school, and I felt a sense of pride for being part of this class, which I lacked during high school. Old connections were reconnected, bringing a smile to my face knowing that I have friends all over the country whom I can visit.

As I drove towards Denver on a Sunday afternoon to catch my flight back to the East Coast, I thought about the lessons my father taught me about gratitude and pursuing excellence.

Gratitude helps us find peace in our lives. By being thankful for being alive, we realize that our problems will eventually fade into irrelevance, and the challenges are simply tests of our resolve. Despite the regret I had of not getting to know my classmates better at that time, I am thankful I crossed paths with them and find peace that they are a part of me moving forward.

Consistently pursuing excellence teaches us about perseverance and expectation, which matters more than sheer talent in the grand scheme of life. We push ourselves to do our best and to not expect too much, because we will eventually get to where we need to be and our realities will exceed with our initial expectations. I did not expect to live on my own in the East Coast when I graduated high school ten years ago, now confident that I have opportunities to make a lasting, positive impact in peoples’ lives, whatever that impact may be.

Perhaps the timing was fitting that our high school class reunion fell on the same weekend as Father’s Day. I wished my father was alive to see how far I have come, as I saw pictures of my “social media friends” with their fathers. I smiled seeing those pictures, knowing that as long as the lessons of gratitude and pursuing excellence are habits of mine, my father will always be a part of me. And quite frankly, that is the closure I need to move forward.

Dad, I know expressing your feelings was corny to you, but I will be corny for this moment and tell you, “Thank you for being tough on me when I was younger. You believed in me more than I did of myself, and I appreciate that your lessons did not lead me astray. I love you, and I look forward to one day seeing you.”