“If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” – Woody Allen

After more than two years working as a software developer for a big consulting company, I took the leap of faith in accepting a new software developer position for another company. For months, I had the urge to look for new opportunities after plateauing in that position and seeing many colleagues whom I built personal friendships with leave the project. After receiving the job offer, I experienced a euphoric high for a couple of days, knowing that the urge to find a new beginning had been fulfilled. However, I experienced mild depression days after going through that euphoric high. The reality of jumping into the unknown finally sunk in, especially on the first day of the job, with fears of failure going through my mind. I realized that I will miss my colleagues still remaining at the old job, especially those friendships that went beyond the job. I questioned if this was the right decision to make, because I left a comfortable job that was a much closer commute, with very liberal telecommuting perks.

Compounding those worries is my upcoming trip to Europe. For about a year, I had been postponing plans in taking a couple of weeks off to travel halfway across the world, because of other personal goals I wanted to pursue. I kept promising my good friend in Europe over the past five years that I will visit him, and saw each year that passed by as an opportunity missed to see him after all this time. After doing my best in pursuing those other personal goals this past year, I decided that enough is enough and I will go to Europe. I booked my tickets about a month ago, but still had worries if my plans of starting a new job and taking my trip will somehow work out.

After executing my plans of starting a new job and booking my plane tickets, and finally seeing the plans come into fruition the past two months, I would say that I am both scared and excited. Scared of change. Scared of jumping into the unknown. Scared of the uncertainty that lies ahead. Yet, I am excited of the new experiences I will be immersed into. Excited in learning more about myself. Above all, excited that I am doing this for myself.

I do not know where the next couple of months in my life will take me. During the past two months, I experienced stress because I came to the realization that I have little control over the outcomes in my life. The process in making sense of the stress experienced led me to take Woody Allen’s quote to heart that goes, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”

Here are a few examples of outcomes I do not have control over:

• I do not have control if hiring managers will hire me.
• I do not have control over the circumstances and safety in my trip abroad.
• I do not have control whether someone will love me in return after telling her my feelings.

While those examples sound depressing on the surface, experiencing the process offers a ray of hope we can take note of, which we can use to tilt the scales of life towards our favor.

Conversely, here are a few variables I have control over:

• I have control over my work habits to be the employee that hiring managers want to hire for their company.
• I have control on where I go, and the people whom I revolve with in my trip abroad.
• I have control over how I view relationships in that everyday presents a chance to be that person the future Mrs. Noy Sauce does not want to leave.
• Above all, I have control in creating habits and systems in my life so that when new opportunities do arise, I count them as blessings given instead of fortunes entitled.

There is always the chance of failure when taking risks, but I found that something great happens as a result of something bad happening.

The realization of how little control we have over the outcomes in our lives is humbling, and forces us to be more appreciative of what we have so far.

I know for sure that I would have hated myself and be filled with regret if I did not take ownership over my life. (By taking ownership, I mean, taking control over those few variables that can favorably tilt the scales of life.) If I did not take the leap of faith in finding a new job, I would have stagnated in my career and lost the potential to earn more money. If I did not take my trip to Europe at this point in my life, I would have lost the chance to expand my views of the world and face my fears of adapting to cultures that are foreign to me (pun totally intended!). Not to mention, not having anyone else to consider helps making decisions easier, especially when traveling. Above all, if I did not move across the country almost five years ago, I would have lost the opportunity to live on my own during my 20s, and the chance to grow personally and spiritually to become Noy Sauce.

I wish this particular post had a more positive ending like many of my other posts. However, great things in life take time to come into fruition. This post will be the first chapter in a new journey I am about to embark on. How long will this overall journey take? Beats me. I will enjoy the ride, make necessary adjustments along the way, and happily share those experiences with a lesson learned (or two) as the journey goes along. I would like to reiterate that I am scared of what lies ahead. My former boss once told me, “You got a lot of balls moving across the country after graduating college.” On that note, I will end this post by gladly accepting my balls as a compliment.

Update: Part 1 of my Europe Trip