My favorite sport to watch is basketball. Despite the communist propaganda and woke culture infecting the sport these days, basketball will always have a special place in my heart. Growing up, I was amazed by how one or two great players can transform a basketball game and the sport as a whole. There was more to the game than just being good at one skill, understanding how those skills applied have consequences to how the game is played.
The common belief is that games are won in the fourth quarter on a buzzer beater, because those moments are dramatic. The reality is that basketball games are more than often won before the game starts and in the first half. Before the game is where practice and preparations, such as reviewing game film and team scrimmage, take place. With enough preparation and practice, players are more ready to execute under the bright lights. The first half of the game is where the tone for the rest of the game is set. Whoever sets the tone in defensive intensity, relentlessly attacking the rim to draw fouls, and being in sync with detail throughout the game, is favored to win.
While basketball is also a game of runs where a team can make a dramatic comeback to win the game, those comebacks take more effort and energy than setting the tone earlier in the game.
An NBA team that was favored to win the championship last season were the Los Angeles Clippers, because of the team’s depth of talent. The team lost three straight games in the playoff semi-finals, despite leading the series 3 games to 1 in a Best of 7 series. While some may blame injuries to their best players as the cause of their disappointing finish, an overlooked reason for their loss is that the team took shortcuts during the regular season. With their best players skipping practices and avoiding playing back-to-back games during the season, they failed to set the tone in developing the team chemistry needed to work through adversity together. When the team faced real adversity in the playoffs against a hungrier Denver Nuggets team that didn’t give up, the Clippers had no answers.
The same principle can be applied in attracting the right partner in a person’s life. To do so, one must prepare by building his confidence, skills, and self-esteem, all of which take time.
One of the blessings living with my mother the past couple of years is developing a consistent prayer life. While living on my own for much of my 20s, I only prayed the rosary when I needed something, such as a new job and girlfriend or a good result in the GMAT exam, and when I faced the pains of rejection and a lower than expected score in my tests.
Building the habit of praying everyday, expressing gratitude for the good and bad in my life, fostered a mindset of greater patience and humility in what I do. I naively believed that going to church and being part of community were enough to guarantee myself eternal salvation, which breeds complacency and arrogance. This humbling return to basics in praying the rosary each day gave me a greater appreciation of life and to do my best in growing personally and spiritually each day. Who knows whether I’ll have eternal salvation, and it’s a journey worth fighting for in life.
When I started working again two and a half years ago, I applied those lessons from building a consistent prayer life to eagerly learn from my co-workers. Little by little, everyday, I had fun in the process, building skills of competency and leadership to put myself in the best position for a promotion. This process, along with taking journeys in meeting people at events and working out in the gym helped build confidence and skills in conversing with people. Now I’m a well-respected member of the team who’s a designated corny joke teller in staff meetings and I find it fairly easy to meet people in events, both of which play a big part in keeping a high-level of self-esteem.
Not too long after meeting my girlfriend earlier this year, her world was turned upside down when the coronavirus affected her and her family. With her feeling helpless on what went on, my experience of having a consistent prayer life paid off in instinctively telling her that we will pray the rosary together. After praying together, a feeling of relief came for her that we shared an engaging conversation for the rest of the evening.
When I met her parents and family for the first time, they asked me what I do for a living and where I went to school. When I told them that I work as a software engineer and obtained my bachelor’s degree, there were no further questions asked. If I worked as a cashier with a high school diploma*, her family cannot look at me with respect as a provider for their daughter because she is a highly-skilled professional in the medical field with a bachelor’s degree.
The skills and confidence honed from attending work and school events paid off when getting to know them. By being genuinely curious about her family, we became comfortable speaking with each other about our lives and hopes and dreams. When the time came to go back home, they came along with her to take me to the airport.
Without a consistent prayer life, I would not have been ready to be that rock helping guide her through trying times.
Without working on my professional and personal life, I would not have been ready to confidently show her family that I’m a provider with his shit together.
Without improving my social skills and confidence, I would not have been comfortable with myself to leave a special place in her family’s hearts.
It is easier and distracting looking at your peers reaching milestones, such as getting married and having children before turning 30, hoping that something similar will happen for you soon. What’s more difficult and rewarding is being focused, consistent in improving yourself each day so that you are ready when the time comes for you to shine. Compare yourself to where you were at a month ago, three months ago, and six months ago. If you can honestly say that you are in a much better place, professionally and personally, you are on the right track to winning life’s games before the game has started or during the first half, rather than on a last minute buzzer beater.
The cover photo is NBA player Nick Young celebrating shooting a 3-pointer, only to realize that he missed the shot. Gosh, I forgot how terrible the Lakers were a couple of years ago LOL
* In a coincidence of talking about basketball and dating, here’s a video of Charles Barkley joking about cashiers. Joking aside, I hope this lights a fire for men to step up and not settle for what they know they can accomplish: