Ah, Christmas time is near. The time of the year where we are generous, sharing our blessings with those who matter to us.

A few weeks ago, I went on a weekend trip near San Luis Obispo with my mother. We stopped at a town along the way called Santa Maria for lunch and gas. As we ate our lunch, a man walked up to us and asked us “for $2 or $3 to pay for his prescriptions because he just got out of the hospital”. I lied to the man by telling him, “Sorry, I don’t have cash because I paid by card.” I even told my mother, who was about to get money from her wallet as the man walked away, “Stop. There’s no need to give him, Mom”. What medical prescriptions cost $2?! Sounds fishy.

Moments later, another man walked up to the nearby trash can from where we sat and rummaged for thrown-out food. Feeling bad for the man, my mother gave him our fried egg rolls. Moved by my mother’s act of generosity, I told my mother to give him a bottle of water once we finished eating. My mother gave the bottle of water to the man before we left the restaurant. When she came back, my mother told me that the man told her, “Thank you very much and God bless,” as he ate egg rolls with the leftover lettuce we had thrown away moments before.

Mom preparing for lunch 🙂

My mother’s act of generosity reminded me of a story my Airbnb host shared with me.

The night before officially Turning Pro two and a half years ago, I went back to the Airbnb place late in the evening after being out of the house the whole day. My host jokingly asked me, “What the hell kind of seminar are you attending? I’ve never seen a seminar that lasts more than 12 hours a day.” After telling him that the seminar is a men’s retreat focused on becoming a stronger, grounded man, he shared his experiences attending a silent retreat in the Arizona desert (getting mixed results in his soul-searching) and making a conscious decision to not drink on a trip to Hawaii (though his intention was to do so). He then shared stories about his stingy family members who live nearby, bringing chips to his house parties (despite him spending a lot more money and time preparing dinner dishes) and not making an effort to see family who visited from out of town.

I related to his story about his selfish family members, because I’ve been let down many times by people who took my efforts and generosity for granted to the point I became jaded and resented them for it. Perhaps it was expecting too much from them. Perhaps it was them not being aware or forgetting to show gratitude. Either way, those efforts and generosity drained my energy and money.

My host told me that despite his family members’ selfishness, he has been rewarded for his generosity in other ways. He works from home and has a thriving Airbnb business at his place. One of his Airbnb guests gave him a small, handmade statue. Other family members and many of his friends appreciated him for his efforts.

He then told me wise words that left a lasting impression as I began my Life as a Pro: “You will get burned by people for being generous and for sharing your gifts, but that shouldn’t stop you from living a Rich Life.”

My host praised me for investing in myself to become a stronger, grounded man and positively impact the lives around me, instead of selfishly spending money on indulgent pleasures such as drinking and partying. As he finished his sharing, he gave me a hug and said, “Take care. You’ll do well.”

Yes. People won’t acknowledge your generosity.

Yes. People won’t be there for you when you need them the most and will only reach out if they need something from you.

And that’s fine!

Each act of generosity that went unacknowledged fostered mental toughness in giving without expectation and taught me to be a better friend for the next person I met.

Each time I was not helped in my darkest times and insulted along the way fostered personal responsibility and greater self-reliance, giving a sense of pride and accomplishment that I reached my own level of success through merit, without any favors.

Over time, people whose values didn’t align with my own rightfully went away and people whose values aligned with my own came into my life. I’ve become more selective in whom I share my time and money with and share more with those who better use it.

Eventually I met someone whose generosity exceeds mine.

“What’s mine is yours” is what she tells me.

This selfless phrase reminded me that generosity was never about me. Those frustrating times was my ego focusing too much on myself instead of the giving itself. When I shared without expecting, those blessings came back many-fold in the forms of more money, higher-quality relationships, and greater personal fulfillment. Instead of believing that the sharing was a part of me that got lost, sharing became an act of gratitude for being a vessel to share a blessing given to me.

Of course, there are moments like what happened when the first man approached us during our lunch. That moment highlights that generosity is a process, where we will fall short at times. Generosity isn’t defined by a single act but acts of kindness shown without expectation each day.

As a wealthy family friend told me, “We’re just stewards of what’s blessed to us. It all can be taken away from us.”

I’d like to end this sharing with the St. Ignatius of Loyola Prayer of Generosity:

Eternal Word, only begotten Son of God,

Teach me true generosity.

Teach me to serve you as you deserve.

To give without counting the cost,

To fight heedless of wounds,

To labor without seeking rest,

To sacrifice myself without thought of any reward.

Save the knowledge that I have done your will. Amen.

Thanks for reminding me to be generous, Mom, bibi, and those special to me. You’ve all helped me become a better man with your generosity.

The cover photo is from an outdoor mass we attended at the Mission San Luis Obispo de Tolosa. The outdoor masses have inspired me to share more in the weekly donations, since most people don’t go to church as often these days with the lockdowns. Without a supportive and generous community, there is no church.