This past Friday afternoon, I spent two hours getting a facial treatment before our team’s software deployment at work that evening. The following day on that Saturday, my mother and I got our haircuts and treated ourselves to Jollibee afterwards. Later this week, I’ll be getting a body massage.

Now you might be wondering…why am I telling this? While we may be generous to others, we may not be generous with ourselves.  

Growing up in a lower-middle class family fostered a scarcity mindset, which meant there’s only a fixed amount of resources and opportunities in this world. A fixed number of jobs available. A fixed number of attractive women available. A fixed amount of wealth to go around this whole world. It was a toxic mentality that instilled the belief that we’d have to cut corners or take advantage of others to get ahead in life.

In the past, I’d skimp on myself so that my future self will thank me more. If I got massages, it would be at the local oriental massage spa once a year, where the masseuses hardly spoke English. It was amusing hearing them grunt while massaging me, but couldn’t speak English to tell me that I need to stretch more often 😅. I thought getting facials were feminine, since relaxation was against working hard as a warrior. I got haircuts once a month, waiting until my hair grew somewhat shaggy so that I saved money not having to get haircuts as often.

While saving money for myself was a noble cause, I was depriving my present self at that time of experiences and acts of self-love. The biggest regret I have on my 20s was not taking more risks and adventures. To take more weekend trips. To have more conversations with random strangers. To not treating myself to nice dinners of steak with mashed potatoes at the restaurant at least once a month. While I did those things every now and then in my 20s, I held myself back from doing more of those things because I was so hell-bent on saving money.

The turning point was when I took an online course on Advanced Personal Finance three years ago a few months after Turning Pro. The key takeaway from the course is that after a certain point, there is no need to be so obsessed with how much money is saved because the game had already been won. The next stage is to move on, being open to new experiences and treating ourselves better through generosity.

Whether it is going on weekend trips every other month, or a massage, haircut, and facial more often, these experiences cultivated self-love. A man with greater self-love fosters a mindset of abundance and attracts greater opportunities. He is more likely to get hired as that self-love creates positivity benefitting the company. He attracts higher-quality women, since he knows his worth and doesn’t put them on pedestals. With self-love and knowing he is enough, he treats people how they want to be treated and creates better friendships based on trust and creating win-win opportunities, rather than relationships centered on needs.

Understanding this mindset has led to discoveries I was not aware of.

Not doing enough mobility exercises and getting massages consistently led to tightness and muscle knots on my back and shoulders after workouts. This caused stagnation in building strength and stamina. Taking a step back on the heavy lifting, using a massage gun and doing foam roller exercises in the evening, has now led to gains in strength and stamina without bulking up so much.

Getting facials every few months opened discoveries in eating much healthier these days as I get older. It encouraged me to add more vegetables, such as adding broccoli and cauliflower, to the steak and rice dinner I’d often eat at home. Taking better care of my face has also led to investing in collagen and organic coconut oil for better skin health. Lastly, getting facials has led to amusing conversations in our evening software deployments every few months. As my girlfriend tells me, “Skincare is life 😌”

Getting haircuts from a hair stylist who takes her time makes me feel valued. Instead of feeling rushed through a 15-minute long haircut every month, we gossip about relationships and my hair is washed at the end of the hour-long haircut. Feeling clean and valued gives a boost to my well-being and maintaining a positive state of mind.

Being generous to invest in our well-being is a no-brainer these days, since when we love ourselves and feel good, we show up better in our personal and professional lives. Being generous with ourselves helps us be even more generous to others. Sharing our experiences of travel, massages, facials, and haircuts makes us even more interesting to others.

This positively affects those around us, changing the world around us. Life rewards us with more money, better quality relationships, and an optimistic outlook of abundance for what comes next.

Of course, over-indulging in pleasure can be bad. Treating myself to finer foods 🥩 and dessert 🍨 often led to a stretch (pun intended) where I had love handles and a more visible double-chin.

However, what’s important is that we remember to take care of ourselves, because we cannot fully serve and love others if we cannot serve and love ourselves.

And isn’t serving and loving others through our actions and character why God put us in this world?