(The cover photo is a sculpture displayed in the National Museum of Korea. The sculpture’s facial expression sure gives off the impression of one who has detached himself from earthly matters. Thanks, statue hyung-nim.)
Over the past few weeks, one of the ongoing processes that I have been struggling with is letting go of attachment. In a world that encourages instant gratification and pleasure, we become very attached to our relationships, our material possessions, and our earthly accomplishments. This, in turn, leads us to a false sense of security that when those earthly matters and pleasures have run their course, we are caught off guard and as my high school teacher would put it, “We get cut off from our knees”.
Two weeks ago was the worst week I experienced so far this year. A combination of matters beyond my control, such as how some people around me approach life, me receiving numerous rejections on job positions I had applied and interviewed for (I received 5 job rejections in one day!), and the recent stock market correction, all made me feel disillusioned about my past experiences and my outlook towards the future. Old bad habits in how I responded to adversity reared its ugly head. Expressing gratitude became a drag, as I found it difficult to muster up a smile even on a warm, sunny day in Southern California.
A week ago, I joined my mother in attending an appreciation dinner party for volunteers at the local parish. One of the volunteers brought her son to the party, and I was encouraged to converse with him. He is a man in his late forties, keenly interested in history and the fine arts. While I am not well-versed in history and the fine arts by any means, I encouraged him to explain more about a topic after telling him that I am not familiar with what he asked me. By letting him share with me his knowledge and wisdom, I am bound to find nuggets that can be applied to improve my life. We spoke for almost two hours, discussing topics ranging from atrocities throughout human history to the importance of detaching oneself from earthly matters, particularly those matters beyond our control.
One of the quotes he shared that resonated with me comes from philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: “Make your life as a work of art.”
When we reflect on what we have done in our lives and the legacies we leave behind to future generations, will we be proud of the work of art we have produced so far that is our lives?
Not too long ago, I conversed with my mother about my experiences in the Philippines last year and my observations when I visited the cemeteries. I told her that it was easy to tell which people had more money or had relatives who lived abroad, based on how fancy their gravesites were. My mother replied, “It is not about who has more or less money. What matters more is what happened to their souls when they died.” Her response struck me, because it resonated with the process of letting go of attachment I was going through. Often times, we want to hold onto the things we love and worked hard for, but in reality, we really own nothing. We came into this world with nothing, and we are going to leave this world with nothing.
Letting go of attachment from earthly matters is really hard, because it goes against our human tendencies to strive for pleasure and towards feeling important. Yet, these tendencies are only fleeting and we are left feeling hungry for more once these moments pass by. More pleasure in our relationships. More likes on social media posts. More prestigious career titles. Mo’ money, mo’ problems.
Upon realizing that we really own nothing, letting go of attachment became easier and set me free for that moment.
Here in the present, if I were to be fair in evaluating my life as a work of art, I would see a life that had many accomplishments and inspired people, but a life that could have also accomplished so much more. I could have accomplished more in moving on faster from pointless friendships and relationships, but failed to do so because of my attachment for what I had wished those friendships and relationships were. I could have accomplished more in my career by taking more initiative in asking for challenges and work, but failed to do so because of my fears of looking like a fool or being fired if I failed to deliver. Yet…yet, I would not be here writing this article had I not experienced those failures. Failures bring awareness, which is a stepping stone towards building the momentum needed to develop good habits. This habit, you guessed it, is letting go of attachment.
As for those people in my life whose approaches and outlooks towards life differ from my own, I laughed at my own fretting, remembering that matters beyond my control are ephemeral. Holding onto things for the sake of my pride only drains my energy from doing work that actually matters. Writing 10 things that I am grateful for is enough for me to smile, because the already abundant blessings in my life are brought forth in writing. As for the job rejections, more opportunities that are more closely aligned with the desires of my heart came around and exceeded my own expectations. And as for the stock market correction, much of the losses were nearly made up a week later. The market correction served as a reminder on avoiding greed towards wanting more. All of those challenges served as dark colors contrasting with the bright colors from the happier times towards the work of art in my life.
That being said, it’s time for us to continue working on ourselves so that we become works of art we all can be proud of. What does work involve? Building our character each day through industry, compassion, humility, patience, honesty, and courage.