(The cover photo is the epitome of a perfect pose. Confidence 😎. Overlooking the Grand Canyon thousands of feet high 🏜. A nice smile. 😁 #nogreenscreen)
One of my friends in the past told me how much she embraces her imperfections. We shared deep conversations about our childhoods and finding some peace in the present after losing our fathers at a young age, bonding over our imperfect teenage years. At that time, I dismissed fully embracing my imperfections, since it seemed counterproductive admitting that I’m not good at all. Noy Sauce not good? That weak language is for losers!
However, her words came full circle this past month. At work, some of my colleagues complained about the little things. An inefficient process. Incompetence in how things were being run and implemented. And that’s when it hit me. Nothing is meant to be perfect. Even though I like to think of myself as the epitome of perfection, me being perfect just isn’t the case.
When it came to my relationship with my girlfriend, not everything is perfect. We had tough conversations about the possibility of breaking up, and we got lost one morning looking for the church with her family in cold, windy weather that drained my energy. There were times I questioned if the time and money spent are worth the cost in the long run, especially on days where I’m just tired physically and mentally from life’s challenges.
When it came to my relationship with my mother, not everything is perfect. Hearing her tell friends and family over and over about her pains gets tiresome. Seeing how many of her doctors treated the symptoms of her ailments over the years instead of the root cause made me question if they are even qualified to be doctors. Prescribe more medication? How about take a more holistic approach instead of trying to patch one problem and cause another problem?
When it came to my own self, not everything is perfect. I have strong opinions on topics that I’m passionate about. I can be sensitive to people’s opinions and criticism. I easily judge people based on a few criteria and find it hard to accept people’s shortcomings I perceive to be as disrespect.
This recent breakthrough in accepting life’s imperfections became a wellspring to continue loving my girlfriend and mother. It is inconvenient spending extra time with my girlfriend and mother, especially when I’m tired from the day or would like to do something else, such as listening to a podcast. Yet, I am devoted because I love them. It’s simple. It needs no further explanation. And I’m sure they would do the same for me for the same reason.
I went to confession this past week. When I told the priest that I’ve fully accepted that nothing is perfect in our lives, especially in my relationships, he rolled his eyes and nodded his head as he replied, “Isn’t that the truth? I’m glad that you’ve learned this valuable life lesson. When it comes to relationships, the only thing we can control is our reaction.”
Now when I see people whom I think are ahead in life posting pictures on social media – such as being married and having kids, or having a nice house and car – I think beyond the highlight. The exhausting late nights taking care of their children. The tough discussions about finances. It is easy to dismiss their posts as showing off or them thinking that they are better than what they really are. However, being dismissive can rob us of opportunities to learn, grow, and be better versions of ourselves.
We’d like to think that learning and progress are linear, in which we become slightly better each day. However, learning and progress are roller coasters, full of ups and downs. There are times I felt like I was in a plateau, not making any progress and questioning my sanity. There are weeks I felt like I took two steps back, thinking my relationships and career are worse than before. Then in the span of a week or so, significant progress is made. Things start to click. Why certain things work a certain way. Why certain things did not work before.
It is important to strive and not settle in life. At the same time, striving and settling must have the end game of true inner peace. This inner peace, free of envy and regret, allows us to fully appreciate the dark colors (adversity) contrasting with the bright colors (good times) that make up the picture that is our life.
I do not have true inner peace at this time. However, accepting that life is not perfect is an important stepping stone towards achieving true inner peace. As long as we do our best each day, God smiles and appreciates our commitment.
Heavenly Father, thank You for humbling us to accept that life is not perfect. It is through our shortcomings and brokenness where we bond with our brothers and sisters in this world, not through perfection. I’m sorry for being stubborn all these years not accepting people for who they are, which stopped me from moving forward with my best step. We pray for Your grace to help us continue striving becoming better versions of ourselves in Your eyes, as we find true inner peace.
God, grant us the Serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Courage to change the things we can. And Wisdom to know the difference. In this we pray, Amen.
As the folks in Spain once told me after praying the Our Father during mass, “La Paz sea contigo.” (“Peace be with You”) 🙏
(Left photo): My girlfriend and I in a Japanese garden the afternoon after getting lost looking for the church that cold, windy morning 😅; (Right photo): My mother happy after drinking the leftover olallieberry shake in the tin cup before we ate our lunch. Serendipity is sometimes found in life’s imperfections.