It had been a great year for Noy Sauce. I took many out-of-town trips in the East Coast that brought out the adventurous side of me. I learned to cook more dishes that channeled the Iron Chef within me. But most of all, I have not felt any freer at any point in my life.

For two weeks during the holiday season, I visited sunny Southern California, the place where Noy Sauce built his street credit before embarking on a journey to the East Coast. In the first few days of my trip, I developed a serious case of “Fear Of Missing Out”, known as FOMO, as I was inundated with notifications in social media that my friends are getting engaged. The case of FOMO brought feelings of insecurity and inferiority I thought I had “gotten over” with, as I kept asking, “Why am I still single?!”

The week after Christmas, I took a day trip around Southern California. The weather forecast called for a sunny day in the low 60’s. Perfect! Following my lunch and buying a bag of candy from Sweet Factory, I drove up the Pacific Coast Highway, known as the PCH, a well-known scenic highway in California. It was during that hour drive from the mall to the beach, where I expressed gratitude. Gratitude for my own and my family’s health. Gratitude for the awesome weather. Above all, gratitude for what has transpired so far. Driving up the PCH, basking in the sun’s warm rays beaming down on me as I listened to Paramore’s “Riot!” album, was nothing short of pure bliss. The gratitude visit made the hour drive fly so fast that I arrived at the beach before I knew it.

I walked on the beach for about an hour, reflecting on my case of FOMO and so-called problems. As I watched and heard each wave ebb and flow on the shore, I felt those feelings of insecurity and inferiority wash away. The memories of rejections, failed relationships, and setbacks that once brought sadness and anger were replaced by excitement and anticipation for what the future holds. The salty breeze from the ocean brought a refreshing breath of air that cleansed the stale air I was breathing from the journey of everyday life. After my walk on the beach, I sat in my car for about ten minutes. I binged on the candy I bought from the mall earlier, musing that it is days like this that make life worth living. (Seriously, I was not depressed when I binged.)

Devouring those sour patches and sour belts during the candy binge showed the irony of my experiences: in order to savor the sweetness of life, you sometimes have to deal with the bitterness that comes with it.

With a newfound resolve and sugar rush, I savored the rest of my stay in Southern California. On New Year’s Day, I reconnected with extended family members whom I grew up with as a child. I was considered one of the “babies” in the group due to my age, but nonetheless, a beloved part of the clan. I remember we had get-togethers at least twice a month, eating home-cooked Filipino food, playing hide-and-go-seek and video games, and eavesdropping on the elders’ gossip. It was in those social gatherings we formed a community that went beyond than just friendship, and became more of a family. It had been at least fifteen years, since I enjoyed those halcyon days because of life’s circumstances that were beyond my control.

We went bowling, ate at a shady-looking Chinese restaurant that served legit food, and relaxed at a cousin’s place. Seeing my cousins and their children reminded me of my own childhood, without the social media-fluff and fob accents. The time spent brought feelings of nostalgia and comfort, knowing that no matter how far we go and achieve in our lives, the bonds that we forged more than fifteen years ago are still there, waiting to be reconnected and a new chapter to be written.

The day after New Year’s Day, I met with friends from college, including a few who recently got engaged. The dinner reminded me of my college days six years ago, where we often indulged in Korean barbeque and soju, as we caught up on lost time. We later drank boba, while playing a board game akin to Mafia. (The drink is called “boba”, not “bubble tea”, people of the East Coast!) I was happy for my friends who entered new chapters in their relationships, since I have known them for a long time and that is what friends, of course, do.

On my drive home, I reflected on my time spent with my family and college friends. While feelings of FOMO occur once in a while, the point is to stop comparing myself to others. When conversing with friends and family, I found that we all do not have much to worry about, and our problems are not as bad as we think. Life is based on a series of tradeoffs, where we work on one aspect of our lives at the expense of another.

For example, I may not be as professionally successful as others in terms of degrees obtained or salary paid, but would I trade that for a non-existent family life, where I have no one to share that success with?

It was then I realized an important lesson: life is not a contest.

Life is not a contest on who has the most money, the most friends, the most attention, or the most power. My journey at the East Coast and visit to the West Coast taught me that our lives are measured based on making lasting, positive impacts in people’s lives.

These impacts can involve many things: Sharing a part of you without expecting that the sharing will be reciprocated. Taking a friend or family member out for a meal. Listening to others, and being sensitive to their worries. Offering words of encouragement to inspire them to continue walking down the right path. Expressing gratitude for the time spent.

Now that I am back in the East Coast to continue on my life journey, I am thankful for the time spent to get in touch with my roots.

As my grandmother would say, “If you do not know where you come from, you will never get to where you are going.” Well said, Lola. Well said.