My aunt, whom I call “Mama”, often told me, “If it don’t mind, it don’t matter.”

A while back, I met with some friends for dinner. My friends’ friend and her boyfriend joined us for dinner. The boyfriend was fairly arrogant who hogged the conversation, talking about himself. Even when I asked him questions, he didn’t reciprocate to continue the conversation and went on to keep talking about himself. My friends’ friend often asked me questions, curious about me even as her boyfriend talked (because you know, Noy Sauce be dripping that swag goo 😉). She later asked for my phone number in front of her boyfriend. When her boyfriend left the table for a moment, she told me that her boyfriend often doesn’t let her talk. I left that evening feeling victorious, knowing that my “mind game” of not seeking validation from others, especially from women, earned me a request for my phone number by a lady whom I just met in front of her boyfriend.

Of course, conditioning my mind to not put pretty women on pedestals was not easy. For much of my 20s, I had been rejected and ghosted by numerous women whom I liked. People would tell me to “just move on” from rejections and heartbreak, but did not explain the process of moving on. What does moving on even mean and where do we even start? And why the hell am I looking at women who rejected me on social media in a relationship with their newfound boyfriend at 9:30 in the evening, when I should be focusing on my real goals? I’m better than this!

This process of moving on involved creating a purpose and having a list of goals to accomplish in five years time. By breaking the bigger goals into smaller wins and working towards those wins, I learned valuable lessons to become that person worthy of the big goals.

For example, a big goal I had was to get promoted at work. To get promoted, I took additional responsibilities above my job title and outside of my comfort zone. It was hard work, knowing that I was doing work that people with higher titles and pay won’t do. However, I used that as motivation as I broke the big goal into smaller wins. Develop, test, and demo new features in the program. Learn the software deployment process and get involved, finding ways to improve the process. Pursue certification programs and volunteer in projects to learn different skills outside of my day job.

As the smaller wins snowballed into accomplishing the bigger goals over time, I became more confident in myself to stop seeking validation from others, especially from pretty women. I was already enough. When this breakthrough happened, I started attracting prettier women who were more of my ideal type. I had the confidence to playfully make backhanded remarks to women and get their phone number before leaving. When women see a man in his journey, making progress in what he’s working towards, while not putting them on a pedestal, it’s sexy and attractive. I then asked myself, “What did I really miss about the ladies who had rejected and ghosted me over the years?” For all of them, I answered, “Nothing. It was my arrogance and lust that had placed these ladies in undeserved pedestals. I’m better than this!”

A few months after this breakthrough, I went on vacation. A ladyfriend whom I met a few months before was also going to be in the same city around the same time. We planned to meet while we were in the same city. When she started being non-committal in meeting up, I stopped following up with her. It was tough to not follow-up as I would have done so in the past.

Constantly following up would have put me in a weaker and more desperate position, leading to the same past results of being ghosted by women. The following morning after we had planned to meet, she texted and apologized for not meeting up. She then asked how I was doing and what I planned to do for the day. Boom. 💪

These days, my girlfriend will show me messages of other men trying to add her as a friend and message her. It’s amusing seeing the way those men text my girlfriend, because I made those same mistakes in the past! When I asked her why she chose me out of all the other men, she told me that those men didn’t meet her standard.

I had set a high standard on what I wanted for myself, which showed when it came time to be in a committed relationship.

The standard is showing her:

• how I live my life with integrity
• how I treat others with respect
• how willing I am to fight for our relationship
• patience in listening and talking with her, especially at times when it is inconvenient
• patience in letting her take her time in taking pictures and videos when we spend time together, understanding that allowing her to do things that make her happy will pay off in the long run
• accountability to remember to pray 🙏
• that my future plans have her included 🥰

While most men date mainly just to get laid, relying on short-term tips and tricks, mastering the mind game in having higher standards for one’s self is critical for long-term success. Once you have a woman’s heart for the right reasons, the rest will follow. An inner fulfillment that improves the quality of both of your lives in ways you both couldn’t have imagined.

Take a step back. Take a deep breath. Have a plan on what you want for yourself. Pray, Hope and Don’t Worry. You were always enough and had the confidence. You were always the Red Power Ranger and hero of your life.