Our Spiritual Director in a religious retreat once told us that what matters more than the weekend retreat is what happens after the retreat.

Last year when my wife and I got married, I carried a similar mentality in approaching our wedding day. What mattered more than the wedding day was our lives after that weekend. The fancy wedding dresses, lighting of candles, choreographed bridesmaid and groomsmen dances, and abundance of desserts did not matter if our marriage was not healthy.

My wife and I have made a point to go on monthly trips, not just to “make up for growing up poor”, but also to appreciate how far we have come in our own lives.

Our last weekend trip would be ordinary compared to our previous trips, where we did not take as many pictures and encountered bad weather.

We went to Lake Arrowhead and found the area underwhelming, since most of the area is private and just a getaway for wealthy people with vacation homes.

We went to the local church later that afternoon for mass and learned about the significance of the Divine Mercy, and why we should always strive to be the best versions of ourselves. After mass, we spent time looking at the relics of St John Paul II and St Faustina placed at the altar. The priest who officiated the mass asked us where we came from, seeing that we looked like tourists. Father told us about more relics at the sides of the church, which came from the Children of Fatima, St Catherine Laboure, St Francis of Assisi, and St Teresa of Calcutta. Seeing those relics, feeling the sense of humility from their service to make the world around them a better place, was a stark contrast to the materialism we saw earlier that afternoon.

The next day, we took about 6 hours to get home on what should have been a 2 hour drive.

We spent more than an hour watching an episode of the Korean drama “Queen of Tears” while eating our burritos at Chipotle for lunch, because we couldn’t wait to watch the latest episode at home.

We spent more than 30 minutes searching through boxes filled with items marked for 50% off at the back of the grocery store, and bought items such as supplements, sanitizers, and toothpaste. By the time we finished, one of the cashiers who earlier shouted about “retiring in 61 minutes” had ended her shift, officially starting her retirement. As we headed toward the exit, her grandson came inside the store and ran up to her to give her a big hug.

We spent another two hours going to more grocery stores, planning out our meals for the next couple of weeks while in traffic.

In these detours, I was reminded that a big part of life is about enjoying the present moment, witnessing wholesome moments while not rushing to get to the next stop. There were setbacks my wife and I faced in achieving some goals we set last year that brought frustration, sadness, and tears. There were days we didn’t feel like waking up early for work because the challenges at that time were overwhelming.

We sometimes asked ourselves before going to bed, “Does it get any better?”

And has life gotten any better? For the most part, yes.

We make life better by not giving into a world that seeks to emasculate men. I set the tone by taking action (actually doing things I say) and being a man worthy for my wife to trust my judgment. We work together as a team, bouncing ideas with each other and asking for feedback as we plan our goals. We pray for each other together each day, hoping for good health and our peace of mind. Most of all, we execute on those goals and learn from the setbacks.

On our wedding anniversary, my wife and I attended a healing mass at our parish. Towards the end of the mass, our pastor does an Anointing of the Sick for all the people attending. When it came time to bless us, Father anointed and prayed for both us at the same time. His prayer for us struck me when he said, “Bless them with the grace to not look back and move forward with their marriage.”

And perhaps that’s what I had felt from looking at those relics at the church in Lake Arrowhead. Many of the Saints had sinful lives before being called to vocations of service. They encountered setbacks and faced hostilities even from those closest to them because of the paths they chose. Yet, they humbly learned from those encounters becoming stronger in their convictions and beliefs. To not look back and to move forward. Most of all, they showed that we must be willing to lay down our lives for those dear to us in our world.

My wife and I have had a habit of thinking too much about the past. There were things we wished happened differently since we graduated college. One in particular is us meeting each other 10 years ago when we had better health, more energy, and less to lose rather than 4 years ago. The journey would have been more worthwhile going through our challenges together than by ourselves.

As our priest told me during our wedding ceremony, “Better late than never.”

Regardless, I would have chosen my wife had we met 10 years ago, 7 years ago when I first heard about her but didn’t reach out (while thinking she could have done better after seeing pictures of her with her ex), and I still choose her today.

After our trip to Lake Arrowhead, we have been cooking new dishes, experimenting which foods work and don’t. We found an activity we enjoy doing together, especially when we eat those meals while watching “Queen of Tears”, laughing at the scenes of medical malpractice and playful jealousy.

We continue planning out what trips or activities we can do on our days off together, giving us hope and excitement to look forward to and work together as a team.

To not look back and to move forward.