The cover photo was taken during a trip to watch a Lakers game in late 2018.
Growing up in Los Angeles, the Lakers were THE team to watch. I watched Lakers games with my father, listening to Chick Hearn call each play as if I were part of the experience. I remember recording over one of my father’s VHS tapes showing how to use AutoCAD, just so that we had a copy of the Lakers’ 2001 Championship. When my father passed away in 2002, the Lakers winning the championship that year brought a smile in my face at a time when my state of mind became numb from losing my father. No matter where I had lived over the years, whether it was from Los Angeles, to Colorado, back to Los Angeles, to Maryland, and back to Los Angeles, Kobe and the Lakers remained a constant in my life with the difficulty set to hard mode.
Whether that difficulty was dealing with rejections and being friend-zoned from numerous ladies, learning how to handle backhanded compliments meant to put me down as a person due to peoples’ jealousy, selling myself short, and dealing with people around me who had their own agendas, Kobe and the Lakers provided a sense of belonging as I spent the bulk of my 20s trying to figure things out as a man without a grounded, male figure in my life whom I can turn to for guidance and advice, offering encouragement and positivity.
With Kobe being ten years older than me, it amuses me how the past few years of my life mirrored what Kobe had experienced in his career ten years before. The Lakers struggled in 2007 building a championship contender, and requested for a trade that summer. I struggled finding work in 2017, numbing my pain through travelling to multiple countries and later serving in community to procrastinate from submitting job applications. Once the Lakers traded for Pau Gasol in February 2008, the Lakers instantly became championship contenders. Once I started working part-time in February 2018, I knew that I will be just fine as long as I was committed in the process of building my skills and confidence. I received a full-time job offer a few months later in May 2018 and knew that this was not the time to fuck things up and to “scrape the meat off of the opportunities” most people take for granted. I’m sure Kobe realized the same thing of not fucking up ten years before when he had the chance to win multiple championships with Pau Gasol as his co-star in 2008.
The Lakers won the first of their back-to-back championships in 2009 without any drama. My career hit its stride in 2019 with little drama, not only as I built my skills and experience as a software engineer, but also as I networked with many people within the company. My personal life also hit its stride, as higher-quality women entered my life and I took my mother and aunt to Europe for my friend’s wedding.
This past Sunday, I finished my weekly 5-mile run at the trail near my place when a few friends called and texted me about his passing. I was stunned in disbelief, thinking how much he and his daughter had a bright future ahead of them, and what the families of those who had passed are going through.
Later that evening, I met with friends to attend mass. The priest encouraged us to pray and to support each other at a time of loss. As I reflected and prayed, kneeling in the pew after receiving communion, I broke down in tears thinking of what Kobe meant to me as a person growing up without a father, looking for a role model when it came to success in their craft.
My mother is not a nurse, unlike many Filipina mothers living in America. My father passed away at a time I needed guidance the most as a boy becoming a teenager, on how to cope with adversity in my academics and dating life. My parents did not own a house or drive a nice car, and those feelings of resentment I carried growing up seeing my peers have those material things pushed me to never settle. Never settle on getting a house for the sake of having a “place of our own” and to “build equity”. Never settle on being in a relationship for the sake of being in one just because people my age have already gotten married and had kids.
Kobe’s dedication to his craft as a basketball player proved that we can achieve greatness in what we commit ourselves to. You don’t need to be the smartest or most physically gifted to live out your dreams and achieve greatness. Just a simple commitment and the drive to never settle. Oh, and avoid the crabs in the bucket trying to pull you down while you’re at it 😉
If we do not have the answers to our problems and pain, can we be resourceful to find the answer? Being resourceful can mean seeking mentors or investing in courses, books, or coaching to learn and apply the lessons taught from experts who have the results we desire.
Making the most out of everyday has been a mantra I’ve lived by for almost two years now after learning this lesson from a coaching program and from Kobe’s book “The Mamba Mentality”.
As I became more comfortable in my current job, I made a goal to have fun at work. Whether it is making pun-related jokes, playing Carly Rae Jepsen in some of our team working sessions, or sharing with my co-workers a week ago how I made the lady at the jewelry store shyly laugh for correctly guessing she is Vietnamese, bringing a smile to my co-workers’ faces also brings a smile to my face.
An underrated part of Kobe’s post-basketball career is unlike many former basketball players who criticize current players for being soft, he expressed happiness and support in the success of the current and future generation of basketball players. In helping others and encouraging positivity, we not only make others feel better, but also make ourselves feel better. Talk about a win-win scenario!
A few weeks ago during the holiday season, I applied similar principles at work as the temporary team lead while our lead and manager were on vacation. Those principles included listening to my colleagues without interrupting, thanking everyone for their hard work at the end of each meeting, and remaining calm and confident in the decisions needed to be made. After the New Year, my co-worker, who’s been a father figure, told me that “the team believed in me”.
People not only want to follow a leader who will lead them, but also want a leader whom they can believe in.
The Lakers would not have won those back-to-back championships in 2009 and 2010 if the players and coaching staff did not believe in Kobe’s ability to lead them. By embracing the challenge of leading by example for my co-workers and family, I’ve made a stand to make the most of the limited time we have in this world. In demonstrating generosity, kindness, and hard work without showing judgement, people will come around and respect us. In doing so, we leave a legacy that resonates with those whom we’ve crossed paths with.
If we do not answer the call in making a stand within our lives, we are selfish for not sharing our talents to inspire those around us to be better people. If we are jealous of other people’s success, our insecurities are telling us that we did not make a stand and failed to make the most of the opportunities presented in our lives.
I can only imagine the pain the families of those who passed away are currently going through, and the what-ifs of the futures everyone around them could have had.
Life has an interesting way of teaching us lessons. We wish for one thing, and life throws a curveball forcing us to change. When I was a child in elementary school, I dreamt of becoming a doctor and being someone who will be positively remembered. While I did not become a doctor and became a software engineer instead, losing my father gave me an appreciation to not take the time spent with those who matter most to us for granted. In the process, my father’s passing taught me to always carry a smile on my face and to share positivity and gratitude. Time will tell if I’ll be someone who’s remembered positively, so in the meantime, I’ll enjoy the life I currently have while building the life of my dreams without worrying about such things.
Thank you, Kobe, for what you’ve taught me so far. Rest in peace and I’m sure you’ll find a way to beat my father playing mah-jong.