A few months ago, I shared a conversation with a family friend of mine who encouraged me to take as many journeys at once. Her encouragement resonated with me, because how many of us growing up were taught to wait until we accomplish a goal before moving onto the next goal? How many of us were conditioned to believe that we needed to wait for the stars to align before taking action towards that inner longing we have?

In my case, the invisible scripts that ran in my head during my early 20s included:

• Have at least $300k saved and own a place before I can drive a luxury car.
• Be a senior-level software engineer earning six figures before having a thriving social circle and getting married.

I took various journeys during my 20s, which led to mixed results. Five years ago, I took the GMAT exam for business school and didn’t get accepted to the business schools I had applied to. Six years ago, I took a graduate-level computer science program at Stanford and dropped out from the program after failing the midterm on the first course. Six years ago, I trained for 3 months in the hot and humid East Coast weather to run my first marathon in Chicago. I went on a series of dates five years ago, only for all those dates to result in unreturned calls and texts.

In the first year upon moving back home to California about three and a half years ago, I was in a rut. I had difficulty finding a job, sought approval from others, and did not have a thriving social circle. Thinking about those failures in getting into business school, pursuing a graduate certificate, and dating attractive women dug me further in a pit of discouragement.

From the time I began the journey towards Turning Pro, I valued my time more. I stopped spending time with people who didn’t respect my time and efforts. I started doing things not for the sake of others’ approval but for the sake of simply having fun. I bet on myself that I’ll be resourceful and figure things out with what I currently have and know, because there is no other alternative. Most importantly, I embraced personal responsibility, refusing to allow past failures to dictate what happens next.

In the past two years, I completed Professional Certifications and volunteered for tasks at work without being asked to. The learning did not stop after the 9 -to-5 work was done. Time in the evenings, weekends, and vacations were set aside for studying and working on extra-curricular responsibilities beyond my job title. This journey taught me that results matter and learning never stops, even if it means working extra hours that others aren’t willing to do. Not waiting until getting promoted to take on more responsibilities, ironically, gets us promoted faster.

I attended alumni and work events to meet new people outside of my social circle. I attended a two-day work-related conference one long weekend and noticed that many of the people who attended went through the motions. They took the professional development event for granted by texting during the talks, and some even complained about the commute instead of renting an airbnb to save time. For those who hung around at the end of the two-day conference, we cracked jokes and became good friends. This journey taught me that when we “scrape the meat off the bone” off the opportunities given to us in life, such as getting involved instead of being a bystander, we’d get at least 10x as much value out of it.

I worked on my dating life while amusing myself in our goofiness. I got a lady’s number one time for making a backhanded compliment that we talked on-and-off for about 3 months until I asked her on a “date”. While we could have kept talking, I stopped doing so since our core beliefs weren’t compatible and I was meeting prettier women (HAHAHA). More women gave me their phone numbers without me asking, giving me even more confidence as a man and more opportunities to embrace the goofiness. This journey taught me that carrying a mindset of abundance, not being afraid to walk away from a relationship, gives women the vibe they are replaceable, making them even more attracted to us men.

I exercised at least five days a week. Whether it is running in the trails nearby or lifting weights at the gym, time is dedicated working up a physical sweat. The valuable lesson learned in this journey, especially during this pandemic, is that working up a physical sweat is essential to our mental health and not just a way to look good in any outfit.

I became consumed by geopolitics to understand that almost everything in this world makes sense. The reason why things in life don’t make sense at first is because we don’t know the missing X-factor that ties everything together. For example, X-factor as to why our world today seems to be in turmoil is because of a politicized ideological war between democratic freedom and socialism. The spread of socialism was enabled by the lack of accountability in our culture, the rise of double-standards against men, and not having honest conversations out of fear for hurting other people’s feelings. This journey of being consumed by geopolitics taught me to take pride in my country, being grateful for having the opportunities to even go on these journeys mentioned instead of being an entitled millenial who wants free shit without working for it.

After putting in the work towards these journeys for those two years after Turning Pro, the hard work had paid off last month. I earned my first official career promotion. I became fully comfortable going out by myself, finding joy in taking care of myself first. Those solo activities included taking weekend trips to places out of town, shopping at Daiso for dehumidifiers, biking on the beach, eating churros in a parking lot, and eating xiaolongbao at Din Tai Fung. Moving up in life and being comfortable with my own self attracted higher-quality women who genuinely want to spend time with me.

It was in that moment of the hard work paying off that all of the journeys made sense. It became easy to connect the dots looking back, even as far back as the journeys taken six years ago. The struggles on those journeys later became the most enjoyable memories of the journey, not the end prize.

Driving four hours from Baltimore to Pittsburgh on a Thursday morning to tour a business school that day gave me the chance to explore parts of the inner mid-Atlantic I never knew existed. The time and money spent on the graduate certificate taught me that solving problems and producing results at work, not an extra degree, is what makes us valuable in the job marketplace. The summer spent training for the marathon taught me that commitment and embracing discomfort are what make completing the race and drinking the mango lassi from Indian lunch buffets taste that much sweeter.

I didn’t pass many of the final exams for the Professional Certification courses on the first attempt, which encouraged me to study more and gain a deeper understanding of the concepts. Meeting new people in school and work events outside of my past social circle helped refine my social skills to carry a conversation and to turn up the spice in speaking my mind. The women who didn’t return my calls and texts forced me to raise my standards on what I wanted in a life partner and to not tolerate second-class, entitled behavior. Some of the people whom I met along the journey became allies who encourage me to continue raising my standards. My car getting a flat tire on the way home from San Diego the weekend after that two-day work conference humbled me to have patience in the journeys. (Though I’ll admit it was funny and embarrassing seeing my eight-month old car on a tow truck, especially since my old Toyota Corolla never once was towed in the 8 years I drove it.)

It is difficult to see what success and its end results look and feel like while taking multiple journeys at the same time. Living this life of working hard and not settling isn’t a peaceful life. Yet, hard work and not settling are what lead to a more rewarding life in the long run.

In the past year and a half, three of my relatives and one of my heroes passed away. Their deaths forced me to reflect on my own mortality, to accept that we are all passing by in this world, and to make the most of each day even if my schedule falls off the rails from time to time. If my actions helped move forward my friends and family to “not settle” for mediocrity, then striving for my own definition of success was a life well lived.

Off to another series of journeys!