One of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the past few years is shifting from the D (dismissive) mindset to C (curious) mindset, especially when it came to reacting to ideas and beliefs that conflict my own.

It often takes a major life event or a series of failures to force us to shift our mindsets when what we do no longer works.

When it came to my dating life, I put pretty women whom I liked on pedestals and gave them special treatment, because I thought that treating them nice was the key to their hearts. My self-esteem at that time was low that I felt unworthy of attracting pretty, independent women. Little did I know that this behavior is manipulative by nature and being nice for the sake of getting something out of women is unattractive. Doing so repelled them away from me in the form of unreturned calls and texts. Rejection after rejection. Failure after failure.

The setbacks in finding the right ladies in my life forced me to shift my Dismissive mindset of consuming content without paying money to a Curious mindset of investing in a program to not only consume content, but also take action in order fast-track my own personal transformation towards greater self-confidence.

This program taught me to have greater confidence in myself by not discounting my shortcomings and embracing my failures. It also taught me to be patient with myself, understanding that changing our habits take time.

I still encountered rejections when meeting women while invested in this program. A lady whom I shared a nice conversation with at a school-related happy hour suddenly left and didn’t contact me after giving her my number. It was my fault for extending the conversation longer than it should have. Another lady whom I clicked well with at a work-related happy hour stopped replying to me after a few months of on and off texting. It was my fault for not having as of an interesting life at that time to keep her interested. Another lady from college whom I tried to reconnect with ignored my request to do so. It was my fault for not staying in touch over the years and not being that memorable back in college to leave a strong impression.

Yet with each rejection, I learned new lessons. I learned to tell jokes in a timely manner within a conversation for greater laughter. I learned how to exit a conversation gracefully. I learned to treat myself to new experiences and to have a side project to work on outside of work. Most importantly, I learned to be genuinely Curious.

Women love ambitious men who work on goals outside of his career. It shows he’s not boring and has plenty of experiences to share, all of which make him interesting.

Women love men who are genuinely Curious about them in a non-creepy way. It tickles their fancy knowing he’s genuinely interested in them and not Dismissive by hogging the conversation.

About two years ago, I was at a Christmas party with some family friends. When asked about my love life, I replied, “Don’t worry, I’m working on it. I’ll find a nice lady soon and let you know when that time comes.” One family friend replied, “Ohhh, Noy Sauce. There are no good girls out there.”

Way to be encouraging and to shit on my dreams. As you can tell, this is a case of having a Dismissive mindset, thinking that there are no good women out there.

The family friend was so dismissive that those words serve as added motivation to not give up and trust that I am enough that the right ladies will come.

Over the next year, I honed my conversations skills even more by attending more events to meet people. Those events are easier to engage a conversation in than doing a cold-approach at a farmer’s market or at a bar, since there’s already a common bond to talk about. I asked timely questions related to their work and let them talk without interrupting them. I learned that conversations are more engaging and fun over a physical activity, such as hiking, compared to standing in a crowded room for happy hour. (No wonder CEOs tend to make deals over a game of golf!) To keep my skills even more sharp, I ask the cashier and sales reps at the store how their day is going.

It’s amazing how much faster you can gain allies in life by being genuinely interested and Curious in people.

Eventually, those lessons tuned my Doubtful belief into Confident belief in myself (see that added D to C wordplay there? 😊) that I embraced the belief that women are replaceable in the casual dating game. This belief of women being replaceable, ironically, is the main hook in keeping them interested at first.

This journey led me to finding the right lady, someone whom I envision having a VERY long-term future with and is hard to replace. Our Curiosity feeds off each other that if we had no work or obligations the following day, we can lose track of time and talk until the early morning.

Give being Curious a chance. You won’t regret it and will become an A+ in life and in the hearts of many when you do 😉