(The cover image is artwork at a museum in Europe, that quoted rapper Notorious BIG’s song, “Juicy”. The song describes his struggles making it as a rapper and the rewards that came after making it “big” in entertainment — pun intended. Deep down, we want to make those around us proud and prove our haters wrong. However, we won’t make it “big” without respecting the craft and “being pro”.)

One activity I have been doing over the past year is re-reading books that I have previously read from a few years ago. We learn something new when re-reading material after gaining valuable life experiences during that time in between. With these added life experiences, nternalizing the concepts through re-reading help the material sink deeper in our beings. One book in particular that I re-read is Steven Pressfield’s “Turning Pro”.

Turning Pro is a defining moment in our lives, in which we make the conscious decision towards a new life. A new life in which we move on from relationships that no longer serve us. A new life in which we continue doing the work despite our doubts as to whether we find success in the endeavor. A new life in which we decide each day to commit ourselves towards greatness and not settling, not giving into the hype that comes with achievements and the fruits of our labor.

Pressfield notes that we often chase shadow careers, which are careers that do not align with our true selves, and vices, which include drugs, alcohol, pornography, and procrastination, to distract ourselves from facing the fears and challenges that come with pursuing our true callings in life.

I wrote a post about Turning Pro about three years ago. Needless to say, I fell back into old habits of procrastination and giving into frustration as I continued to struggle finding a job months after writing that post. I found distractions to procrastinate and to numb myself from the pain of how far I had fallen from having a stable career and my own apartment to being unemployed and sleeping in my mother’s living room. These distractions included taking a month-long trip to Europe and Asia the spring of 2017, and serving on my prayer group’s interdistrict conference that summer of 2017. Six months after writing that post of Turning Pro, making little progress in finding a job that aligns with my values and skillsets, I fell into a state of disillusionment. I was disillusioned that after serving others while struggling to find a job, I could not even help myself and find happiness.

This disillusionment led to arguments with my mother on the direction I was headed in my life. I thought I did all the right things, expecting that by this point in my life, I would have the lady of my dreams, have work that brings joy and fulfillment, and have a supportive group of people in my corner, but in the end, failed to reach that level of success I had hoped for. It also led towards a continued downward spiral of pain towards my self-esteem and pride as a man. Desperate for a way out of this disillusionment and pain, I began a journey of intentional personal development that went beyond simple tips and “hacks” written in blogs and invested thousands of dollars into a program, betting on myself that I will overcome this pain, despite being unemployed. This journey involved tuning out the noise I witnessed in social media, mainstream news, and from those closest to me.

The first few months were rough. I kept getting rejected after sending my job applications to 50 different companies. For those companies whom I interviewed, I often received the typical “We are looking for someone with more experience” reason for not hiring me. I was not invited to special celebrations of friends whom I’ve befriended over the years. Yet still, I kept applying to jobs and trusting in the process that great things will happen with time and commitment.

The day I actually Turned Pro was on April 22, 2018.

Six months after beginning this journey of intentional personal development with the hope that I will have a career that aligns with my core values and skillsets, my hope was not yet fulfilled. Despite the unfulfilled hope, I attended a men’s retreat in San Diego over a three-day weekend that was a culmination of the personal development during those six months following my disillusionment.

That morning on April 22nd, 2018, I was in a conference room with 50 other men performing a breathing exercise that top performers, such as Navy SEALs, do. We were instructed to rapidly and intensely inhale and exhale while lying on the floor, causing our faces and limbs to numb up. We then were instructed to reflect on our past failures, causing many of us in the room to cry.

I cried thinking about my failures. The rejections in dating. The times I allowed people to put me down with backhanded words and guilt trips. The times I went out of my way to be there for others, only to be unappreciated in the end. The so-called friends who were nowhere to be found as I struggled finding a job. The times I did not hear back from recruiters and managers after countless job interviews. The times I felt like I was running around in circles during my young adult life, trying to figure what it means to be a grounded man in this world without a father. Above all, I cried thinking how unworthy I felt to be considered the hero of my life, a role model for my family and to be a man whom beautiful, high-quality women love. How can I be someone who’s the hero of his own life when I couldn’t even respect and love myself for not having my shit together in my career, relationships, and self-esteem? (As you can see by this point, I talked too much shit to myself.)

After crying for more than ten minutes, dripping tears down my face that led me to the brink of physical and mental exhaustion, I started laughing at the fact that I am still alive, breathing through it all. I joked that my face probably looks like a soaked blueberry. We then were instructed to visualize ourselves standing in front of a waterfall. I laughed even more thinking that R&B band TLC told us not to “go chasing waterfalls” back in the 1990s.

Behind the waterfall we visualized lies our future selves. The strong, grounded man my family needs. The man whom women hate because they can’t stand the fact that they love me so fucking much. The man whose work energizes him as he finds ways to make working from home fun, such playing Ariana Grande’s “No Tears Left to Cry” during a team working session (isn’t that ironic?!). We all visualized reaching out through the waterfall, hugging our future selves, and becoming one with our future selves. (Can someone please play “2 Become 1” by the Spice Girls over here?) We opened our eyes after visualizing our future selves, ignited with hope that we will be just fine.

Later that afternoon, I attended mass at a church in the outskirts of San Diego. I sat in the church during mass, reflecting on the two years that led to this very moment. As the priest preached his homily, I made the conscious commitment that I will be just fine whatever happens after this point. For the first time in a while, I felt alive and free of expectations. Who cares if I do not have my shit together at this time? Who cares that many friendships and relationships along the way did not last? Who cares about being unappreciated? The fact that I even pursued this journey of personal development and haven’t yet given up at this point when most would have already done so already makes me worthy. These series of obstacles in the road were the dream itself, testing me on much I really wanted these goals for myself. In the process, the obstacles forced me to adapt and re-invent myself to deserve those goals.

This was it. In this moment of letting go of my ego and humbling myself, I had finally Turned Pro.

“You will get burned by people for being generous and for sharing your gifts, but that should not stop you from living a rich life.” – My airbnb host from that weekend in San Diego

Towards the end of mass, the parish announced that they will have a festival to raise money in supporting the church programs. Feeling energized with this newfound commitment towards professionalism and excellence, I visited the elder man selling raffle tickets for the festival outside of the church and donated $20. I told him that I was visiting from out of town, and to accept the donation since I will not be attending the festival. He graciously thanked me and assured that the donations collected will be spent in a way that enriches the lives of the community.

When I got home from San Diego that night, my mother was still awake, still waiting for me to arrive. Pumped up from the weekend retreat and Turning Pro, I hugged my mother and told her that “I got this.” Four days after Turning Pro, I received an offer for my current job, a job that aligns with my values and skillsets.

Since Turning Pro, I embarked on various journeys to make my days purposeful. Those journeys include:

• Committing towards living in a beautiful state each day, after my mother was diagnosed with cancer more than a year ago
• Dedicating each day towards enhancing my skills as a software developer and a grounded man
• Maintaining fitness through deliberate weightlifting and running throughout the week, while having a healthy diet consisting of lean meats and fresh vegetables
  • Sweets are still part of the diet, but in moderation; then again, I’m already a sweet guy so eating sweets may be unnecessary
• Pursuing various activities outside of my comfort zone, such as hot yoga, paddleboarding, exploring new hiking trails, and asking the cashier how his/her day is
• Building new relationships and flirting with women, amusing myself in their goofiness
• Finding humor in anything I can, not being concerned whether the joke makes people laugh
• Attending events, meeting new people and developing new interests along the way

Turning Pro means taking responsibility on everything that has happened. Our failures. Our series of decisions that changed the trajectories of our lives. Our current life situations. Being Pro requires accepting that no matter our current life circumstances, we are the only variable that can turn lemons into lemonade, or better yet, turning chicken shit into chicken salad.

I smile knowing that the good and bad experiences serve as reminders to be intentional in how life is lived each day, while having fun in the process. The experiences of failure and embarrassments are fun stories to share with people who already find me interesting, because I have a smile in my face after going through adversity and learning from them. Like a painting, the dark colors of my trials contrast with the bright colors of the triumphs, forming a masterpiece called my life. The best time of my life is right now, not at some distant lofty future that won’t happen if I keep on fantasizing about it without taking any action. I may not get exactly what I want in the end, but amazing things will happen so long as I stay the course.

After achieving certain personal goals, I realized that there is no real end destination, but rather, a continuous journey towards our crafts. By immersing in these crafts, the noise of gossip, narcissism, and so-called “doom and gloom” are turned down and replaced with hitting flow. Flow is a state in which our skills and passions are aligned to the point that we lose track of time doing the work. In the process, we don’t solve the problems in front of us, but rather, the problems solve us. Our reward is not showing off our achievements and fruits of our labor for the sake of likes and assuring comments from others, but rather having the capability and health to humbly do work that fulfills us from within that not only serves us, but also others.

This is it. For the moment, I found peace and happiness. Welcome to my life as a Pro.