This post may come off as religious, because it is. But bear with me.
Have you every wished ill-will towards a person who had hurt you in the past?
Have you done something you thought was so bad that you could not tell anyone?
Have you ever been told to let go of grudges, but find it ironic that those same people who told you also have trouble doing the same?
Did you experience problems that not even your closest friends or family members have an answer that could ease the pain?
Have you lost a loved one, but found it difficult to accept the situation for what it was?
If you have answered “yes” to any of these questions, then this post is for you!
When I moved to the East Coast a few years ago, I joined a charismatic prayer group with the hopes of meeting new people as I was new to the area. Little did I know that this journey would be filled with ups and downs that over time, transformed me into Noy Sauce. One of the questions I’m asked from friends back home in the West Coast is “Why have faith?” For the most part, I struggled to find a single answer until now.
It’s funny how life teaches us lessons, especially at times when it pours as it rains. In the span of one week, my grandfather passed away, I experienced various problems in my personal life, and plans for a relaxing weekend with the family did not happen. It affected me to the point where I did not do as well as I hoped for on an exam I had studied. I lost focus towards the end of the exam as anxieties and worries about the future, along with what I experienced the week before took over. My faith had been questioned.
All of us have experienced or have done something that has made us, to a certain degree, broken. Whether it is wishing ill-will towards someone, holding a secret that no one can find out, having trouble letting go, feeling lost, or being in denial, these burdens hold us back from being the best versions of ourselves. We hold onto the false hope that one day a miracle will solve our problems. One movie in particular that I watch during my times of trouble is “Bruce Almighty”, where Jim Carey plays a disgruntled newscaster who complains to God for his woes.
One of my favorite quotes from the movie is:
Parting your soup is not a miracle, Bruce. It’s a magic trick. A single mom who’s working two jobs and still finds time to take her kid to soccer practice, that’s a miracle. A teenager who says “no” to drugs and “yes” to an education, that’s a miracle. People want me to do everything for them. But what they don’t realize is *they* have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle.
We see this happening in our everyday lives. People asking others to organize events, but not wanting to get their hands dirty in the organizing. People complaining about their problems, but not doing anything that is in their control to make progress. I myself, at times, am guilty of doing these things. I would complain in my prayers why my plans have not worked out. Why did I not do well on that test? Why did my grandfather pass away at this time? Why did that lady not return my calls or texts when our date went well? Why did I expect so much in spending time with family? Why am I in a situation where I feel like I’m not making the progress in life I had hoped for?
The weekend following my exam, I took a day trip to go zip-lining. Zip-lining involves being strapped onto a harness that is attached to the zip line cable, which allows you to go from tree to tree, while being suspended in the air. The zip line course consists of obstacles where you traverse from tree to tree, with the reward of being able to slide down the cable over a lake to land in the soft ground and be covered in mulch (Wee!). Each obstacle offered its share of testing your fears. From placing your feet on metal rings, to taking that leap of faith on a tarzan swing, the obstacles made one thing clear: if there is something you fear, it is something worth trying out.
The lesson of trying out something new, despite my fears, is where I learned the irony of zip-lining: it is becomes easy when you let go. If you want to make it easier crossing the obstacle, you place your weight on the harness and zip through the obstacle, avoiding having to put any physical effort in crossing the obstacle.
That is where I found my answer as to why I have faith: having faith makes it easier to let go.
To put letting go into perspective, refer to this lovely drawing of zip-lining:
It is easy to tell someone or yourself to let go, but difficult to put it into practice. Letting go has got to be one of the hardest things for one to do, because it is a process that takes time to practice and implement, and does not happen overnight. Last year, I read a book called “What I Learned Losing a Million Dollars” by Jim Paul. In his book, Paul tells the story of his rise and fall as a trader at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange (CME). During his time at the CME, Paul traded commodities, particularly soybeans and lumber. In the span of three months, Paul lost his fortune as the prices of soybeans plummeted. Paul held onto the false hope that it will get better during those three months, and took the losses personally instead of cutting his losses by selling his soybean shares. Paul was eventually fired from his position as investors lost money as a result of his actions. After being humbled by his loss, Paul realized that he was not a trader.
Paul goes over the Five Stages of Loss:
- Denial – seek reassuring second opinions
- Anger – replaces denial when denial can no longer be maintained
- Bargaining – unable to face facts, enter some sort of agreement that may postpone the inevitable
- Depression – self explanatory; see my sadface -> 🙁
- Acceptance – the resignation of the inevitable, marked by resignation and is void of any feelings
For the tl;dr version of the Five Stages of Loss, refer to my lovely drawing that contains swearing:
It is worth noting that you can get stuck in Stage 1 (Denial) through Stage 4 (Depression). From personal experience, taking the time to pray has helped me reinforce my Inner Citadel and accept the situations for what they are. This leads me to take that leap of faith from Stage 4 (Depression) to Stage 5 (Acceptance). Expressing gratitude on what I have experienced and accomplished so far gives me the hope that the future is bright. Reaching acceptance (stage 5) is akin to giving the middle finger with one hand towards those hurts that you let go, while gripping your balls with the other hand.
Letting go helps me to not be as oversensitive and not take things too personally. Letting go gives me the faith that the trials I currently face are the stepping stones of determination, which will lead to the best that has yet to come. But most of all, letting go helps put a smile on my face and appreciate the simple things in life.
Those simple things may include, but are not limited to:
- Living in the free world: This allows me to travel and explore new places, write Noy Sauce, watch the Maury show from time to time, and continue to be a student of life.
- Having a roof over my head: It’s nice to be dry while sipping on chai tea during those East Coast evening thunderstorms.
- Having the choice to eat what I want, and going to bed every night on a full stomach. I want to cook steak and shrimp? Damn right I’ll cook steak and shrimp, and eat them like a boss.
With a renewed sense of faith, I found the solutions to my immediate problems:
Did not do well on the test? I’ll take it again! Flush what happened down the toilet and let it go.
Lost a loved one? It will take time to heal, but reminiscing the moments shared and knowing he’s in a better place helps ease the pain.
Ladies not returning my calls or texts? She probably was not the one, and it’s good that the relationship did not go far. Now, I have a better idea of what to look for in someone. Next time, have fun flirting and saying stupid shit. If she enjoys it, she’s worth considering!
Family not always available? There is no such thing as a perfect family or community, so let it go. Hold on to your faith and Inner Citadel to get you through your toughest moments when it feels like you have no one else to turn to.
Progress not working fast enough? Quit being hard on yourself, and appreciate what progress you have already made so far in life. Work on becoming the miracle that you desire, and respect the process that goes in becoming a better version of you.
We all have our good weeks and bad weeks that are filled with ups and downs. The secret sauce is to persevere through whatever it is we go through, and hold onto the faith and Inner Citadel to let go of the worries that prevent us from becoming the best version of ourselves. Now it’s time to get back to building faith!