(The cover photo is the Myeong-dong Cathedral [명동대성당] located in Seoul, South Korea)
One of the tenets of life, according to Noy Sauce, is making adjustments to our beliefs when new ideas challenge our own existing ones.
A few years ago, I wrote and published a post as to Why I Have Faith. Feel free to read it. But for the tl;dr (too-long, didn’t read) version, the reason why I had faith at that time was the desire to let go and find peace in my life. The post went into detail about the Five Stages of Loss towards moving on, and that was that.
Of course, many things in my life happened since publishing that post two years ago that inspired me to write a follow-up on Why I Have Faith. Since Usher dropped his “Confessions Part II” single fourteen years ago, it is only fitting that Noy Sauce drops his “Why I Have Faith Part II” post.
May 9, 2017: Incheon International Airport, South Korea
It was an early Tuesday morning as I resumed my trip around the world. There were still three hours left before my flight after checking in my baggage and clearing customs. Many of the restaurants in the airport terminal were not yet open at that time in the morning. There was a fast food restaurant that served gimbap (김밥), a popular Korean snack food, which interested me. A man waited in line, asking the lady if they were open. The lady avoided answering his question, since she hardly spoke English.
The man asked me what kind of gimbap I was going to get. After conversing with him for a few minutes, we left that restaurant because it was clear the ladies working there had no interest in serving us. We decided to eat breakfast together, and we walked a few minutes from the restaurant to one of the nearby food courts in the airport terminal. He told me that he grew up in South Africa, and considers himself to be African even though he is of Caucasian descent. He currently lives in Northern California working in sales and as a spiritual healer. I shared with him my experiences the past year, moving back home to California and going on a month-long tour around the world. The next stop in my tour around the world was the Philippines. Coincidentally, he too was heading to the Philippines for a few days to spread the Word of God and bring healing to those who need it. His current mission is to fly to Manila without much of a plan and meet with two Filipinos whom he never met to spread God’s word.
The man shared his experience on how God had touched his life more than fifteen years ago. After experiencing trouble during his teenage years, the man felt a physical presence hugging him from behind one evening, assuring him that God has forgiven him and that he is with him and for him. That experience was his defining moment which encouraged him to freely serve others. He told me that God has forgiven us for our wrongdoings, but it is up to us to accept his forgiveness and move forward. While I have not yet had a physical presence hug me in my own personal experience, assuring me that God is with me and for me, I still believed the man.
I asked him what he saw in me that made him decide to have breakfast and open up about his experiences of faith to me. He replied, “When I saw you, I felt that God has had your number. He has been knocking on your door for quite some time.” I opened up about experiences in my own journey of faith, noting how difficult it is taking those next steps in our faith, especially when the temptations to give into doubts and frustrations get stronger and stronger. Doubts that include “you are cut out to achieve great things in this world.” Frustrations that include “people whom you thought were good friends turned out to be useless acquaintances who do not care much about you.”
The man noted that we can spend our lives going to mass, but not experience God’s love. The question he asked me to think about was, “How willing are you to be open to God?” Growing up, I attended Sunday mass every week with my mother because “it was part of our routine.” After college, I attended Sunday mass every week because “something felt missing if I did not attend mass”.
Before we parted ways, he held my hand on the table and said a prayer for me, wishing me well for the rest of my trip and for continued devotion in my faith.
Late July 2017: A church in Los Angeles, California
Two months after my encounter with the man, I found myself reflecting in church on my experiences traveling, studying, and watching Korean dramas.
For some time, I did not want to listen to what God has wanted for me, because I was afraid of reverting back to my past life and “the way things were”. But with the graces of prayer, dedication to attending mass and community service, and living each day the best way I know I can do based on my current circumstances, I found that it is okay to dream and set goals, hoping for a brighter future, as long as I do not lose sight of my faith.
Which leads me to the second and more important reason as to why I have faith: hope. Hope that tomorrow will be better than today. Hope that it is not too late for us to improve our own life circumstances. Hope that there is something grander beyond this life of ours. There is so much meaning behind such a simple word that you cannot easily describe what it means, but you know what it means to you. Hope is the foundation of one’s faith and matters that “would be nice to have but we are okay without having it.”
If we do not hope that tomorrow will be better than today, we cannot carry a positive attitude towards our lives. If we do not have hope that we can improve our circumstances, there is no reason for us to persevere in our own battles. If we do not have hope that there is something grander beyond this life of ours, why even bother laying down our lives for those people who matter most to us?
Each of us are here in this world for a finite amount of time. Our lives are not measured by how much time we spend living here in this world, but how we spend each day finding out who we truly are so that we can make lasting, positive impacts to those who matter most to us. I continue doing my best, whether it is studying, serving community and fostering my faith, and maintaining good relations with those who matter to me, because not only would I be cheating others, but I also would be cheating myself for not giving it my best when the opportunity to do so was there.
As a result, attending weekly Sunday mass now sustains my hope that our sufferings are blessings in disguise as long as I open my heart to what the future holds. The feeling is humbling, encouraging me to dream big about a brighter future, without losing sight of my faith in God. Of course, my problems have not gone away as I wrote this post. But now I am hopeful. Now isn’t that something worth living for?