The angel said to her, “Hail, full of grace! The Lord is with you. Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God…The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you.”
Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.”
- Passage taken from Luke 1:26-38
The gospel reading from Luke tells the story of the angel Gabriel visiting Mary, telling her that God has chosen her to conceive Jesus, who will one day rule the nations. Mary is surprised to hear that God will conceive a son for her, but allows God’s will to be done. This reading struck me, especially at a period in my life where I am facing plenty of uncertainty.
For about two months, I have been unemployed after making a big life decision to quit my job, and to move back to the West Coast. My mother became ill six months ago and did not fully recover from her illness. A few days after moving back, my mother experienced a major setback and went to urgent care, after both the stress and medications prescribed took their toll on her. She had heart palpitations and had trouble breathing that day she went to urgent care. Her blood pressure was at the level of Stage 2 Hypertension, and her blood sugar was at the borderline of Type 1 Diabetes. I often told myself that this challenge of taking care of my mother is practice foar laying down my life for my future spouse, in order to boost my morale. Yet, I lost my patience in many instances as the weeks went by. I lost my patience with the doctors prescribing my mother more medication, the process of taking care of my mother’s paperwork for filing short-term disability, the inconsiderate drivers in Southern California, and the changes in my personal plans, causing me to question where am I headed next in my life. Giving into frustrations led to me to swear in front of my mother, causing her to reprimand me for my choice of words. The uncertainties of my mother’s recovery, and how soon I will find a job, brought a lingering feeling of restlessness unlike anything I had faced before.
“There are times where you will not find clarity. All you need to do is trust.” – Mother Miriam
There were days I did not go out for a run around the neighborhood or apply to various job openings, because I felt my day was wasted from a change of plans earlier in the day. There were nights I dreamt of wearing eyeglasses, despite getting LASIK surgery two years ago, as if I was trying to find clarity on what is going around me. Yet, with every challenge we face, an opportunity for a lesson arises that can be turned into positive habits in our lives. My mother listens to Immaculate Heart Radio, a local radio station that spreads Catholic teachings. One of their hosts, Mother Miriam, has a daily radio show in which she answers questions that people have on the Catholic faith. One day, we listened to Mother Miriam answer a question a caller had. Mother Miriam told the caller a powerful message that resonated with me: “There are times where you will not find clarity. All you need to do is trust.” I may not fully understand how and why my mother and I are in this situation. But thinking about the how and why just to find clarity in life’s trials will only lead to frustration, because the answers to those questions do not make any sense. Trusting that our trials will come to pass is humbling, because letting go brings us peace. We save our time and energy from overanalyzing matters beyond our control, and focus on what we can control. In this case, I can control my patience, my reaction to matters, and my trust that tomorrow will be more positive than today.
However, for our trust in God to work, we must do our part in moving forward. By taking action in dealing what is right in front of us, we overcome our fears of uncertainty and build a stepping stone for a better tomorrow. I used my late afternoons to run around my neighborhood and late evenings to apply to job openings. I went to confession on the weekends and everyday prayed for the grace to trust that these trials will come to pass. The results from taking action were immediate. The negative feelings of a wasted day stopped as a result from the satisfaction being productive. The dreams of wearing eyeglasses stopped from the trust built in taking action and in praying the rosary. I still swear at situations that irritate me in front my mother, but I now take those matters in stride and laugh at them because these are moments shared that are cherished.
This past week, my mother’s energy level picked up, in which she is spending more time cooking, serving her church, and talking more cheerfully in our conversations. Her blood pressure has slowly gone down with each passing day. During our dinner one evening, she told me that she no longer has a toothache, which had been causing her pain for more than two months. The toothache that we believed caused her setback and added stress was gone! I told my mother, “Praise God!” After she went to bed that night, I cried tears of joy thinking of this as a big stepping stone towards her recovery, and as a sign from God to continue taking action in what he has in store for us.
Heavenly Father, I thank you for this moment in time to pause and reflect on Your word, teaching me that I may not always find clarity in my life, but to trust what you have in store for me. I am sorry for those times I took the easy way out in giving into frustrations, but with each passing day, you have shown me what it means to be more patient, more loving, and above all, more trusting. I pray for the grace to continue trusting You, as Mary did, because you lead us to paths in our lives we initially thought were impossible. It is when we humble ourselves through trusting You, our journey in faith is made more bearable.
In this we pray, Amen.